1 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:49,000 Oh, God. 2 00:00:50,740 --> 00:00:51,740 What's that? 3 00:00:52,940 --> 00:00:54,800 I just said, oh, God. 4 00:00:55,300 --> 00:00:56,300 Ah. 5 00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:58,080 Oh, God. 6 00:00:58,780 --> 00:01:00,420 About time, of course. 7 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:03,820 What? About time you appealed to the Almighty. 8 00:01:04,180 --> 00:01:05,180 Oh, God. 9 00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:07,000 He's probably got that bit. 10 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:12,360 I was not making an appeal to some dubious and probably fictional deity. 11 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:15,100 I was merely saying, oh, God. 12 00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:17,750 Oh. God? 13 00:01:19,170 --> 00:01:22,930 Might as well forgive her. She knows not what she does or what she says. 14 00:01:23,610 --> 00:01:26,310 When you talk to God, why do you look into the treetops? 15 00:01:26,610 --> 00:01:27,710 Is God a squirrel? 16 00:01:29,410 --> 00:01:32,530 No, he's not a squirrel. You mustn't blaspheme. 17 00:01:32,750 --> 00:01:34,890 I just don't believe in God. 18 00:01:35,390 --> 00:01:38,670 He's probably got fairly severe reservations about you, too. 19 00:01:39,550 --> 00:01:41,850 It's very hard not having any faith. 20 00:01:42,460 --> 00:01:45,960 All very well for you wifty wafties who have got faith. You don't have to think 21 00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:47,140 anymore. It's all solved. 22 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:50,020 Us poor sons, we have to think it all out for ourselves. 23 00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:52,680 We'd love to have faith. 24 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:56,920 I'd love to be able to go down to the corner Indian and say, I have a problem 25 00:01:56,920 --> 00:02:00,220 with the ultimate destiny of the species. Give me a pound of faith, 26 00:02:01,140 --> 00:02:04,540 If you went down the corner Indian, you'd probably get the wrong faith, too. 27 00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:05,760 Well, there you are, you see. 28 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:06,880 That's the other point. 29 00:02:07,220 --> 00:02:08,220 Someone's got to be wrong. 30 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:10,520 It's either billions of them or billions of us. 31 00:02:11,020 --> 00:02:12,340 There is no God. 32 00:02:12,820 --> 00:02:13,759 Prove it. 33 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:14,760 Hello, Tom. 34 00:02:14,860 --> 00:02:15,860 How are you today? 35 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:17,960 There's my proof. 36 00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:22,700 If your God's so smart, how come he chose this clockwork ding -dong to run 37 00:02:22,700 --> 00:02:23,740 local supporters club? 38 00:02:24,780 --> 00:02:28,100 Don't take any notice, Jane. She's been chewing barbed wire again. 39 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:29,400 Oh, Diana. 40 00:02:29,740 --> 00:02:31,660 Ain't that a glorious day? 41 00:02:32,300 --> 00:02:34,940 I've been drizzling for five hours, you simpering man. 42 00:02:35,580 --> 00:02:38,080 Well, I bet it's a lovely day. 43 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:40,000 those clouds. 44 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:42,720 I bet it's a right little scorcher in Eritrea as well. 45 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:47,640 See, your silly god can't even get the weather right. Either getting burnt to a 46 00:02:47,640 --> 00:02:50,360 crisp or getting fungus round the ankles from the rising damp. 47 00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:53,400 Is there something amiss? 48 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,000 Oh, only life, Jane. 49 00:02:56,700 --> 00:03:02,940 When you wake up to the appalling vileness and iniquities of this evolved 50 00:03:02,940 --> 00:03:04,780 flot that we call mankind, 51 00:03:05,870 --> 00:03:09,210 I just want to go out and find Mary Poppins and blow her stupid brains out. 52 00:03:10,570 --> 00:03:12,630 Well, I don't feel like that at all. 53 00:03:13,430 --> 00:03:15,550 Personally, I'm gloriously happy. 54 00:03:15,890 --> 00:03:18,130 Oh, my heart is just so full today. 55 00:03:18,550 --> 00:03:19,550 Oh. 56 00:03:19,650 --> 00:03:21,490 Don't stop gushing, Jane. 57 00:03:21,890 --> 00:03:25,410 There's one thing I can't stand this morning, some half -wittedly erotic 58 00:03:25,410 --> 00:03:28,510 all over the place. What has got into you? Oh, I'm just so happy. 59 00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:30,630 And why is that, Jane? 60 00:03:31,110 --> 00:03:32,750 I've lost my heart. 61 00:03:33,090 --> 00:03:34,150 Lost your heart? 62 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:36,240 Careless, are you? 63 00:03:36,820 --> 00:03:40,240 How splendid, Jane. Do tell us all about it. 64 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:42,720 He came to me in the night. 65 00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:47,860 I looked round, and there he was, his arms open. 66 00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:50,460 And then it happened. 67 00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:52,720 Anyone we know? 68 00:03:53,380 --> 00:03:56,080 Whom? Whom? Harvey Baines. 69 00:03:56,420 --> 00:03:59,980 No, it was Jesus Christ who came to me in the night. 70 00:04:00,180 --> 00:04:03,260 He came unto me. He called me. 71 00:04:05,210 --> 00:04:06,210 coming on. 72 00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:08,100 I get is this religious maniac tearing the place down. 73 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:10,320 Ah, 74 00:05:11,220 --> 00:05:12,220 the old bread of heaven. 75 00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:17,400 Or should I say the old rabbit stew and dehydrated mash of heaven. 76 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:20,420 Why do you encourage her? 77 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:25,060 Oh, I love a sing -along. We all love a sing -along here. Well, I don't. Except 78 00:05:25,060 --> 00:05:27,280 you, but you're not normal, so you don't count. 79 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:37,500 She'll probably bring on a few coronaries, but what a nice way to go. 80 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:40,340 Who's that at the door? 81 00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:44,580 Some humanoid masquerading as a woman. 82 00:05:44,940 --> 00:05:46,400 Probably Harvey Baines' mother. 83 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:50,140 Oh, yes, Mr. Baines asked if he could have a word with you after lunch, as 84 00:05:50,140 --> 00:05:51,400 representatives of the inmates. 85 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:52,920 I'm in the restroom. 86 00:05:52,980 --> 00:05:53,759 What about? 87 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:57,300 Probably a new economy drive. Wants to shoot one in five of us. 88 00:05:57,680 --> 00:05:58,680 Some of fate? 89 00:05:58,940 --> 00:05:59,940 Ah, yes. 90 00:06:00,020 --> 00:06:01,540 The fate worse than death. 91 00:06:10,510 --> 00:06:13,790 She's not doing it. I beg your pardon? She's still not doing it. 92 00:06:14,330 --> 00:06:15,570 Well, that's a great shame. 93 00:06:16,650 --> 00:06:19,530 Never mind. If she's not doing it, she's not doing it. 94 00:06:20,550 --> 00:06:21,590 What isn't she doing? 95 00:06:23,170 --> 00:06:24,330 The summer feast. 96 00:06:24,630 --> 00:06:27,630 I am not going to run it this time. Well, I wasn't going to ask you to. 97 00:06:28,050 --> 00:06:29,050 Why not? 98 00:06:29,850 --> 00:06:31,730 Because that's not why I asked you here. 99 00:06:32,190 --> 00:06:33,690 Well, you must want something. 100 00:06:34,130 --> 00:06:36,370 I've asked you here to meet someone who's coming to join the staff. 101 00:06:36,750 --> 00:06:37,850 You can't afford any more staff. 102 00:06:38,090 --> 00:06:40,210 Diana, I will decide what I can and can't afford. 103 00:06:40,750 --> 00:06:42,870 I feel Jane needs, what, a bit of a hand. 104 00:06:43,090 --> 00:06:45,250 You mean because she's off her trolley with this religious stuff? 105 00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:47,270 I want to give her room to move. 106 00:06:47,870 --> 00:06:49,950 It's your fault, you know. And how's that? 107 00:06:50,250 --> 00:06:52,070 Well, she's mad about you. Terrible crush. 108 00:06:52,390 --> 00:06:53,209 Diana, please. 109 00:06:53,210 --> 00:06:54,630 And it is unrequited love. 110 00:06:54,850 --> 00:06:58,570 So she is turning sexual frustration into religious fanaticism. 111 00:06:59,750 --> 00:07:03,430 It's up to you to release the manic tension within the poor bat. 112 00:07:08,140 --> 00:07:09,600 I wish I hadn't asked that question. 113 00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:12,760 I don't think that's a valid option. 114 00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:15,300 I've found someone to share her load. 115 00:07:15,940 --> 00:07:16,940 Another Jane. 116 00:07:17,180 --> 00:07:18,179 Don't be ridiculous. 117 00:07:18,180 --> 00:07:20,660 There can't be two such genetic throwbacks within one platform. 118 00:07:21,260 --> 00:07:22,840 Her name is Greta Muller. 119 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:24,440 Welsh, is she? 120 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:30,040 And as the most influential of the residents, I wanted you to meet her 121 00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:31,720 What's wrong with her? Nothing. 122 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:33,480 Then why is she coming to work here? 123 00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:36,840 Probably just the right lack of qualifications. 124 00:07:37,660 --> 00:07:41,480 There's a Harvey Baines con job coming on. Have you quite finished? 125 00:07:41,780 --> 00:07:42,940 Hardly even started. 126 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:44,760 I'll get this one. 127 00:07:49,260 --> 00:07:51,880 I don't like the sound of this Greta Muller. 128 00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:54,420 I had an affair with a Greta once. 129 00:07:54,660 --> 00:07:57,680 A famous movie star, but a bit of a recluse. 130 00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:04,760 Greta, this is Diana Trent and Tom 131 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:06,180 Ballard, who I told you about. 132 00:08:06,670 --> 00:08:07,890 How do you do? Miss Miller? 133 00:08:08,450 --> 00:08:09,890 Good afternoon, Frau Muller. 134 00:08:12,490 --> 00:08:14,710 I would like to know that I've forgiven and forgotten. 135 00:08:15,290 --> 00:08:16,290 I beg your pardon? 136 00:08:16,530 --> 00:08:17,530 The hostilities. 137 00:08:17,770 --> 00:08:19,410 You know, the big one. 138 00:08:25,030 --> 00:08:26,030 Vulture. 139 00:08:26,330 --> 00:08:27,330 Knock him for six. 140 00:08:29,690 --> 00:08:30,770 Carry on, number one. 141 00:08:32,890 --> 00:08:34,210 He means the war. 142 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:40,320 That's what they all say. 143 00:08:43,159 --> 00:08:48,040 I was one of the few. 144 00:08:48,420 --> 00:08:49,420 You still are, Tom. 145 00:08:50,900 --> 00:08:53,740 Well, I do not believe in living in the past. 146 00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:58,540 Really? What do you believe in, Miss Muller, with regard to running this 147 00:08:58,540 --> 00:08:59,540 -ring circus? 148 00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:01,560 Efficiency and caring, Miss Trent. 149 00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:05,970 I'm a great believer in the efficient and humane management of the elderly. As 150 00:09:05,970 --> 00:09:09,030 opposed to the sloppy and inhumane management of the elderly. 151 00:09:09,530 --> 00:09:10,830 That's not what I meant, Miss Trent. 152 00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:13,670 I've had a lot of experience in dealing with the aged. 153 00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:16,910 Then you'll know better than to refer to us as an anonymous group. 154 00:09:17,210 --> 00:09:21,430 We are not the aged or the elderly, and we do not wish to be managed. 155 00:09:21,810 --> 00:09:24,970 This is a service industry, not a charity. We have paid. We are here to be 156 00:09:24,970 --> 00:09:26,210 served, not patronised. 157 00:09:26,610 --> 00:09:30,310 Nobody does us any favours. I hope you comprehend these subtleties. 158 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:32,640 And no invading Poland at weekends. 159 00:09:36,060 --> 00:09:38,380 Well, I'm sure we will all get on very well. 160 00:09:38,700 --> 00:09:40,340 Now we know exactly where we stand. 161 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:43,840 Good. In fact, I have already done you a service, Miss Trent. 162 00:09:44,140 --> 00:09:44,699 You really? 163 00:09:44,700 --> 00:09:45,880 Yes, your niece rang. 164 00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:48,200 She was looking for her Porsche motor car. 165 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:51,600 Apparently, she thought it was in the garage as you had crashed it. 166 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:55,560 So? Well, of course I told her that it was fine and standing outside. 167 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:58,320 And she could come and collect it at any time. When was this? 168 00:09:58,750 --> 00:09:59,750 Couple of hours ago. 169 00:09:59,790 --> 00:10:00,830 Oh, my God. 170 00:10:02,810 --> 00:10:03,810 Tally -ho. 171 00:10:07,150 --> 00:10:08,410 You think you can handle them? 172 00:10:08,890 --> 00:10:10,250 He is no trouble at all. 173 00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:13,210 She, on the other hand, will have to go. 174 00:10:32,270 --> 00:10:33,270 stolen her car. 175 00:10:47,870 --> 00:10:48,870 Jane? 176 00:10:49,590 --> 00:10:52,750 Jane? Can you come in here, please? 177 00:10:53,930 --> 00:10:56,050 Yes, yes. Bless you, too. 178 00:10:59,930 --> 00:11:00,930 Tom? 179 00:11:07,190 --> 00:11:08,190 Hawaii. 180 00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,050 What are you doing? 181 00:11:11,330 --> 00:11:13,590 Hanging ten, waiting for the big one. 182 00:11:14,690 --> 00:11:16,830 You're far too old to go surfing. 183 00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:18,310 No, I'm not. 184 00:11:18,790 --> 00:11:23,650 I'm 19 years old. I have rippling muscles and luminous green shorts and 185 00:11:23,650 --> 00:11:25,990 a pretty Californian girl waving to me from the beach. 186 00:11:26,290 --> 00:11:27,290 Who does she want? 187 00:11:28,330 --> 00:11:30,310 What would any girl want with a hunk like me? 188 00:11:32,350 --> 00:11:34,690 Your abdominal support system, maybe? 189 00:11:35,530 --> 00:11:36,610 Don't you believe it? 190 00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:39,470 I'm getting good vibrations. 191 00:11:39,970 --> 00:11:42,490 She's giving me excitation. 192 00:11:42,870 --> 00:11:45,190 Just concentrate on the waves. 193 00:11:45,850 --> 00:11:46,870 Hello, Diana. 194 00:11:47,090 --> 00:11:48,130 God bless you. 195 00:11:48,630 --> 00:11:49,830 Sit down, Jane. 196 00:11:51,710 --> 00:11:56,910 Oh, do stop all this serene grinning. You look like the Mona Lisa on Valium. 197 00:11:58,830 --> 00:12:00,530 What did you want, Diana? 198 00:12:01,610 --> 00:12:03,730 Your job is in jeopardy. 199 00:12:04,940 --> 00:12:07,340 Harvey Brain Dead is going to fire you. 200 00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:09,220 Oh, I doubt that's true. 201 00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:12,300 And even if it were, it would be the will of the Lord. 202 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:14,860 No, it would not be the will of the Lord, Jane. It would be the will of a 203 00:12:14,860 --> 00:12:16,420 stormtrooper called Greta Hitler. 204 00:12:18,180 --> 00:12:19,700 What is Tom doing? 205 00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:21,480 He's surfing. 206 00:12:22,140 --> 00:12:23,640 Oh, that's nice. 207 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:25,540 Are you not concerned? 208 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:27,140 No, not at all. 209 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:29,100 Well, what about your beloved Harvey? 210 00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:32,280 Oh, please, Diana, there's nothing between me and... 211 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,440 And there never will be if you let him give you the elbow. 212 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:37,800 He's not going to do that. 213 00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:39,940 Ava Brown will, though, ducky. 214 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,340 Do you think she wants her predecessor tramping round the compound for very 215 00:12:43,340 --> 00:12:45,160 long? Oh, you mark my words. 216 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:51,620 The Lord probably has some greater task in mind for me. Maybe missionary work in 217 00:12:51,620 --> 00:12:53,500 Calcutta or up the Amazon. 218 00:12:53,980 --> 00:12:54,980 Up the Amazon? 219 00:12:55,380 --> 00:12:58,260 Jane, you can't even get to the corner shop without a map and a compass. 220 00:12:59,620 --> 00:13:01,440 The Lord will provide. 221 00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:02,960 See you later. 222 00:13:07,980 --> 00:13:11,560 the indecisive and feeble -minded, she has decided to lay her fate in the lap 223 00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:12,199 the gods. 224 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:13,200 What are we going to do? 225 00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:15,820 I met that girl on the beach. 226 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:17,560 Her name is Peggy Sue. 227 00:13:17,860 --> 00:13:18,819 Peggy Sue? 228 00:13:18,820 --> 00:13:21,160 Peggy Sue. She's invited me to a beach party. 229 00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:26,380 We're going to roast marshmallows, boogie and jive, and have huge amounts 230 00:13:26,380 --> 00:13:27,380 sex. 231 00:13:29,220 --> 00:13:32,040 Tom, this is not Hawaii. This is Bournemouth. 232 00:13:32,700 --> 00:13:35,500 The last time a woman took a second look at you was the day they stopped 233 00:13:35,500 --> 00:13:36,500 rationing. 234 00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:44,870 Peggy Sue, I love you with a love so rare and true. 235 00:13:45,210 --> 00:13:49,830 Dear God, how am I supposed to fight our battles when my second -in -command is 236 00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:51,850 permanently stuck in a B -grade movie? 237 00:13:52,070 --> 00:13:53,070 Where are you going? 238 00:13:53,710 --> 00:13:54,710 Where do you think? 239 00:13:55,430 --> 00:13:57,350 To a slumber party, of course. 240 00:13:59,730 --> 00:14:00,730 Antonio? 241 00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:19,010 What? Antonio is Portuguese. 242 00:14:19,530 --> 00:14:20,530 Yes, I know that. 243 00:14:20,570 --> 00:14:23,670 But you were talking to him in French. Well, I don't speak Portuguese, do I? 244 00:14:25,090 --> 00:14:27,170 Perhaps we better let him get on with work. 245 00:14:27,610 --> 00:14:32,170 He was pulling up summer flowers approximately four months early. I 246 00:14:32,170 --> 00:14:33,170 break his fingers. 247 00:14:33,710 --> 00:14:36,170 I believe he's following Mr. Bain's orders. 248 00:14:36,490 --> 00:14:38,370 Harvey? What does he know about gardening? 249 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:39,960 Gucci don't make wellies. 250 00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:43,960 They're used to cut back on the more labor -intensive areas of the gardens. 251 00:14:44,380 --> 00:14:47,740 Like flowerbeds. This border is to be turfed over. 252 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:49,500 Over my dead body. 253 00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:51,740 I'm sure that won't be necessary. 254 00:14:52,780 --> 00:14:56,040 Antonio, restez -vous là, ne faites rien. 255 00:14:58,700 --> 00:14:59,700 Continue. 256 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:02,140 She won't be here much longer. 257 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:03,960 I will. 258 00:15:16,970 --> 00:15:17,970 Good morning, all. 259 00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:20,750 Goodness, somebody died? 260 00:15:22,250 --> 00:15:25,290 No, we'd have shared out the extra cornflakes at breakfast. 261 00:15:26,950 --> 00:15:29,790 Just the usual touch of the Waiting for God blues, eh? 262 00:15:30,370 --> 00:15:33,270 The trouble with you lot is you don't get out in about enough. 263 00:15:33,590 --> 00:15:38,610 You should have been with me yesterday. I went surfing in Hawaii and then had 264 00:15:38,610 --> 00:15:42,210 the most amazing sexual marathon with a young lady called Peggy Sue. 265 00:15:46,190 --> 00:15:48,630 you should talk like that in front of these people. These people? 266 00:15:49,150 --> 00:15:50,310 What's the matter with these people? 267 00:15:50,630 --> 00:15:52,010 Well, they're old. 268 00:15:52,630 --> 00:15:55,750 You mean I can't make risky remarks in front of old people? 269 00:15:55,990 --> 00:15:56,990 You could offend. 270 00:15:57,010 --> 00:15:58,010 But I know them. 271 00:15:58,190 --> 00:16:00,830 I wouldn't do that. They're my friends. Look at Basil here. 272 00:16:01,470 --> 00:16:04,230 Basil fought in the trenches the first time we beat you. 273 00:16:07,110 --> 00:16:11,130 He and his worthy comrades told dirty jokes for months on end. 274 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:15,320 and spent long nights dreaming of making love to beautiful women dressed like 275 00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:16,320 Christmas crackers. 276 00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:18,060 Isn't that so, bad boy? 277 00:16:19,820 --> 00:16:22,840 Well, maybe I find your remarks offensive. 278 00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:27,680 In that case, I apologize, but humbly suggest that you might be in the wrong 279 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:28,680 job. 280 00:16:28,900 --> 00:16:34,040 I'm afraid that round this campfire, we're a bunch of rather raunchy old 281 00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:35,440 cowpokes. Yeah! 282 00:16:40,449 --> 00:16:41,590 Steady on the beans, boys. 283 00:16:42,650 --> 00:16:44,990 What we need is a good old sing -song. 284 00:16:45,350 --> 00:16:49,790 Right. What about Roll Me Over in the Clover? 285 00:16:50,230 --> 00:16:52,010 That's a jolly good one. Come on. 286 00:16:52,510 --> 00:16:53,510 Let's go. 287 00:16:59,330 --> 00:17:02,210 This piano is conspicuous by its absence. 288 00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,089 The piano has gone. 289 00:17:05,510 --> 00:17:06,569 Well, I can see that. 290 00:17:07,050 --> 00:17:09,069 The piano was removed by me. 291 00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:12,079 Oh, you big butch thing you are. 292 00:17:14,380 --> 00:17:15,599 Because of complaints. 293 00:17:15,940 --> 00:17:17,480 Complaints? From whom? 294 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:19,700 Miss Trent has registered an objection. 295 00:17:20,020 --> 00:17:21,660 The piano has been removed. 296 00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:23,640 Diana wouldn't do that. 297 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:28,260 Diana wouldn't do that. 298 00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:34,720 Oh, and Mr. Bellard, I believe your son is having a meeting with Mr. 299 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:37,240 Baines at 2. If you could drop in at 2 .30. 300 00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:40,230 Oh. Oh, Geoffrey, what for? 301 00:17:40,690 --> 00:17:41,690 You'll see. 302 00:17:42,570 --> 00:17:46,570 I feel that things have become rather confused at Bayview. 303 00:17:46,930 --> 00:17:49,310 I hope to be sorting them out very soon. 304 00:18:02,870 --> 00:18:03,870 Hello, Tom. 305 00:18:04,990 --> 00:18:06,250 Where are you today? 306 00:18:10,370 --> 00:18:11,370 Waikiki. Oh, dear. 307 00:18:12,210 --> 00:18:14,230 Peggy Sue run out of marshmallows, has she? 308 00:18:16,130 --> 00:18:17,410 I'm not talking to you. 309 00:18:18,090 --> 00:18:19,090 Well, you just did. 310 00:18:19,690 --> 00:18:20,690 No, I didn't. 311 00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:24,270 You're a turncoat. 312 00:18:24,990 --> 00:18:26,590 Turncoat? What is this, Dick Whittington? 313 00:18:27,330 --> 00:18:33,510 You're a traitor, a backstabber, a fifth columnist, an ally of Beelzebub. 314 00:18:33,710 --> 00:18:35,370 Oh, I am a busy girl. 315 00:18:36,140 --> 00:18:41,520 I wouldn't say we had a friendship because I know that's an impossibility 316 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:46,100 someone as emotionally arid as you are, but I did think at least we were some 317 00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:47,100 sort of allies. 318 00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:49,680 Absolutely. One for all, tea for two, all that jazz. 319 00:18:50,060 --> 00:18:51,160 You're not funny. 320 00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:52,500 You're not witty. 321 00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:53,680 You're pathetic. 322 00:18:54,060 --> 00:18:57,100 What has brought on this childish and petulant display? 323 00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:00,060 You know perfectly well. Do I? 324 00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,280 Yes. You're a wicked killjoy. 325 00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:03,540 That is what you are. 326 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:05,860 And you know something else? What? 327 00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:08,260 You have fat ankles. 328 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:11,960 Thank you, Tom. 329 00:19:12,180 --> 00:19:13,180 It's most kind. 330 00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:17,320 Hello, Diana. 331 00:19:17,620 --> 00:19:18,800 God bless you. 332 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:20,000 Go away. 333 00:19:21,020 --> 00:19:21,999 I am. 334 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:23,000 You am what? 335 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:25,140 I am going away. Good. 336 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:26,680 End of the week. 337 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,920 But I thought you were staying to train up Der Führer Fraulein. 338 00:19:32,330 --> 00:19:35,830 I was, but, well, she seems to think she has everything under control. 339 00:19:36,250 --> 00:19:38,810 We'll shortly have the trains running on time as well. 340 00:19:39,770 --> 00:19:45,110 I must say I was a bit surprised at half a Mr Baines's attitude. 341 00:19:45,610 --> 00:19:46,609 How do you mean? 342 00:19:46,610 --> 00:19:51,410 Well, when I said I wanted to become a nun, well, I do. I mean, well, I did. 343 00:19:51,710 --> 00:19:52,710 I mean, I do. 344 00:19:53,330 --> 00:19:54,490 Make your mind up, Jane. 345 00:19:55,250 --> 00:20:00,050 Well, I was more sort of floating the idea, testing the water. 346 00:20:00,510 --> 00:20:01,169 You know. 347 00:20:01,170 --> 00:20:05,830 You mean you wanted the unspeakable Baines to say, Oh, God, Jane, don't 348 00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:10,090 long. Have I yearned for you? Let us at once make the beast with two backs. 349 00:20:11,330 --> 00:20:14,090 Well, I would have liked a little show of appreciation. 350 00:20:14,930 --> 00:20:19,290 I didn't really expect him to say, Oh, wonderful idea, and drag that thingy 351 00:20:19,290 --> 00:20:20,249 woman in. 352 00:20:20,250 --> 00:20:22,750 I think I deserved a little more than that. 353 00:20:23,010 --> 00:20:26,390 Oh, not much. I don't expect much in life. 354 00:20:26,870 --> 00:20:28,390 Just a little appreciation. 355 00:20:30,340 --> 00:20:33,620 Jane, this really is last hope house, isn't it? 356 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:35,660 Hello, Jane. Miss Trent. 357 00:20:37,380 --> 00:20:39,680 Mr. Tom, time for your meeting. 358 00:20:41,380 --> 00:20:43,280 What is going on? 359 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:47,120 And that is the position, Tom. I'm sorry. 360 00:20:47,820 --> 00:20:50,720 But, you know, life must go on. New brooms and all that. 361 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:53,120 Time and motion, care and management. 362 00:20:54,190 --> 00:20:57,190 I mean, she's not really in your court, you know. I mean, she's not in anybody's 363 00:20:57,190 --> 00:20:59,190 court. You know Diana, selfish to the last. 364 00:20:59,450 --> 00:21:00,450 She's disruptive. 365 00:21:02,550 --> 00:21:03,770 What do you think, Geoffrey? 366 00:21:04,450 --> 00:21:06,510 You know me, Dad. I just want what's good for you. 367 00:21:07,830 --> 00:21:10,590 Marion? Oh, I just want the best for you, too. 368 00:21:10,910 --> 00:21:12,570 And I know how much you like it here. 369 00:21:13,150 --> 00:21:14,150 Do I? 370 00:21:14,590 --> 00:21:17,270 You wouldn't want to come home, would you? 371 00:21:18,450 --> 00:21:19,450 That's very true. 372 00:21:19,910 --> 00:21:21,470 And what's she ever done for you? 373 00:21:21,710 --> 00:21:23,150 Won't even let you play the piano. 374 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:26,340 And she's always making jokes about you behind your back. 375 00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:27,880 Jokes? 376 00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:30,300 Really? Yeah. 377 00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:34,140 She's calling you a senile old loon with bad wind. 378 00:21:36,260 --> 00:21:39,180 Well, maybe it's true. 379 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,900 Now, look, Tom, we don't want you to do anything that would be against your 380 00:21:42,900 --> 00:21:44,140 conscience as a human being. 381 00:21:44,860 --> 00:21:47,500 How about my conscience as a non -human being? 382 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:50,420 How about my conscience as a hedgehog? 383 00:21:51,780 --> 00:21:52,780 I'm sorry? 384 00:21:53,120 --> 00:21:54,480 You're not a hedgehog, Dad. 385 00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:57,180 Don't start debating with him. You'll just get lost. 386 00:21:57,480 --> 00:22:00,040 It's very simple. It's all in the small print of your lease agreement. 387 00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:01,480 Small print? 388 00:22:04,740 --> 00:22:09,620 The properly constituted Residence Association can, for the need arise, 389 00:22:09,620 --> 00:22:15,300 majority resolutions about the running of the village and the admissibility of 390 00:22:15,300 --> 00:22:16,520 the residents therein. 391 00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:21,820 So we convene a Residence Association meeting to... 392 00:22:22,220 --> 00:22:25,760 Vote Diana off the premises. You're the only one who could do it, Dad. They all 393 00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:28,420 respect you. They're all scared trouserless of the old witch. 394 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:32,460 Yes, and as president of the Residence Association, you'll be entitled to many 395 00:22:32,460 --> 00:22:36,400 powers. And a rebate if you die in the last quarter of any financial year. 396 00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:39,540 Oh, that's comforting. 397 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:44,600 Well, I suppose there is only one course of action. 398 00:22:44,940 --> 00:22:45,960 Jolly good, that's the spirit. 399 00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:49,740 A sensible decision, Dad. I will convene the Residence Association and declare 400 00:22:49,740 --> 00:22:51,160 you president immediately. 401 00:22:52,090 --> 00:22:53,210 to fix the old car. 402 00:22:56,530 --> 00:22:58,750 C 'est très méchant, Antonio. 403 00:22:59,370 --> 00:23:00,510 Very naughty. 404 00:23:01,130 --> 00:23:04,690 La femme craute est un cochon stupide. 405 00:23:04,930 --> 00:23:05,930 Diana! 406 00:23:07,390 --> 00:23:10,890 Whatever is it? Jesus dancing across the duck pond? Tom. 407 00:23:11,250 --> 00:23:12,590 Tom walking on the water. 408 00:23:12,950 --> 00:23:14,410 Yes, well, that sounds more likely. 409 00:23:14,850 --> 00:23:16,810 When did he ever want to sign a petition? 410 00:23:17,290 --> 00:23:18,069 What about? 411 00:23:18,070 --> 00:23:21,410 You. They're all signing a petition to get rid of you. 412 00:23:22,010 --> 00:23:24,050 What? It's that German woman. 413 00:23:24,310 --> 00:23:26,550 Oh, she's a devil in human form. 414 00:23:26,830 --> 00:23:31,370 She's been sent to tempt Harvey. He has been found wanting. 415 00:23:33,450 --> 00:23:37,110 Antonio, put the flowers back. 416 00:23:38,090 --> 00:23:43,030 Now, tell me what's been going on. And in plain English, not in biblical 417 00:23:43,030 --> 00:23:44,030 metaphor. 418 00:23:58,970 --> 00:23:59,970 Tom? 419 00:24:02,450 --> 00:24:03,710 Tom, will you come over here, please? 420 00:24:06,030 --> 00:24:07,610 Tom, will you please come over here? 421 00:24:08,270 --> 00:24:09,550 I can't talk now. 422 00:24:10,230 --> 00:24:12,690 If you want to talk to me, you come over here. 423 00:24:20,670 --> 00:24:21,830 Why are you doing this to me? 424 00:24:22,410 --> 00:24:23,209 Doing what? 425 00:24:23,210 --> 00:24:24,210 This. 426 00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:25,499 It's petition. 427 00:24:25,500 --> 00:24:28,940 Jane's just told me about it. It's the process of democracy at work, Diana. 428 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,700 Democracy is for the simple -minded. Throw it in the bin. 429 00:24:31,900 --> 00:24:33,820 Oh, that's typical of you, Diana. 430 00:24:34,540 --> 00:24:36,500 What about the piano and the sing -alongs? 431 00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:37,980 I didn't put the kibosh on them. 432 00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:43,220 Do you deny you didn't complain about them? Of course I don't deny it. I 433 00:24:43,220 --> 00:24:44,220 complain about everything. 434 00:24:44,340 --> 00:24:47,640 Not my fault if once in a blue moon somebody actually listened to my 435 00:24:47,700 --> 00:24:48,700 let alone act on them. 436 00:24:48,820 --> 00:24:53,260 We lost the piano and the sing -alongs, and a silence has fallen on the stalag. 437 00:24:54,100 --> 00:24:55,460 I'm thinking of tunneling out. 438 00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:00,180 I shall have to talk to Dickie Attenborough and the escape committee. 439 00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:03,420 Don't start drifting off now. 440 00:25:03,940 --> 00:25:08,020 Listen, I am sorry about the piano. I will request, nay demand, its immediate 441 00:25:08,020 --> 00:25:08,959 return, all right? 442 00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:13,960 It's too late, Diana. Look, Tom, I am fed up with people trying to chuck me 443 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:14,960 of here. 444 00:25:15,700 --> 00:25:20,220 Look, during my life, I have spent my money... 445 00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:23,840 and spoken my mind. So I have few friends and little cash. 446 00:25:24,180 --> 00:25:28,620 I never had any children, so there is nobody I can make feel morally obliged 447 00:25:28,620 --> 00:25:29,620 take me in. 448 00:25:30,500 --> 00:25:34,280 It would be a real pain in the bottom to have to find somewhere else now. 449 00:25:35,500 --> 00:25:38,580 And that is the only reason you don't want to leave? 450 00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:41,140 What other reason might there be? 451 00:25:43,820 --> 00:25:44,820 None at all, Diana. 452 00:25:45,300 --> 00:25:46,300 None at all. 453 00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:49,760 Tom, this does not come easily to me. 454 00:25:51,060 --> 00:25:54,680 Please, do not make my life any more intolerable. 455 00:25:55,780 --> 00:25:58,320 Please, will you tear up the petition? 456 00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:03,240 Dan? 457 00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:05,220 It's Tom, actually. 458 00:26:07,340 --> 00:26:11,080 I'm sorry, Diana, there is nothing I can do. A signed petition is one of the 459 00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:12,180 cornerstones of democracy. 460 00:26:12,420 --> 00:26:15,120 It expresses the will of the people. Of the people! 461 00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:18,940 And I am honour -bound to deliver it. 462 00:26:21,629 --> 00:26:22,629 Tom? Mr. 463 00:26:28,310 --> 00:26:32,530 Baines, as president of the Residence Association, I have to inform you 464 00:26:32,530 --> 00:26:34,590 that we have a petition to present to you. 465 00:26:34,810 --> 00:26:35,729 Well, goodness. 466 00:26:35,730 --> 00:26:37,090 Well, jolly good. Present away. 467 00:26:37,750 --> 00:26:44,150 I have enlisted Basil Makepeace, our oldest inhabitant, to read the petition 468 00:26:44,150 --> 00:26:45,150 the assembled company. 469 00:26:45,410 --> 00:26:47,810 Don't want to put the blade in your thumb, eh? Smart move. 470 00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:53,120 This petition has been signed by all the residents, bar one. 471 00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:59,260 Hardly the Brighton. And, of course, as per our agreed rules of management, you 472 00:26:59,260 --> 00:27:03,360 are obliged to act in accordance with its request. 473 00:27:03,740 --> 00:27:04,860 Quite right, Dad. 474 00:27:05,260 --> 00:27:06,260 Thank you, Harry. 475 00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:09,560 Basil? 476 00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:19,380 We, the undersigned, residents of the Bayview Retirement Village, request the 477 00:27:19,380 --> 00:27:26,300 immediate removal from the village of... Greater Miller, the new mason. 478 00:27:26,700 --> 00:27:33,500 We also require the immediate reinstatement of Jane Edwards and a new 479 00:27:33,500 --> 00:27:34,500 the dining room. 480 00:27:39,820 --> 00:27:42,000 I will get you for this. 481 00:27:45,740 --> 00:27:46,860 will get you for this.